Forcing your child to take a picture with Santa

My children and I were walking through the mall a few days ago and saw Santa Claus sitting on his "throne" waiting to take pictures with all the boys and girls. My oldest son, Christian, asked if he could go over and say hi, to which I agreed. Santa was very nice to him and Christian was excited he got a chance to talk to him. Ian, my youngest son, was not as impressed. He clung to me in fear. I assured him that he didn't have to go talk to Santa and that "bubba" would be just fine and be right back! I could see the relief wash over his little face. Christian quickly came back and we moved on to the next store. A few minutes later we heard a child SCREAMING in absolute terror! As we got closer it became obvious, she was being forced to sit on Santa's lap. She was screaming for her mommy and daddy and they were laughing and telling her it was okay, "Sit still and smile!" they said. I immediately felt my stomach turn. I couldn't believe what they were putting this child through just for a picture! It isn't just them, though. Oh, no. The internet is littered with "Santa picture fails". But, what are we teaching our children by doing this?

We are teaching them that they can't say no when people want to touch them... 

Trust me, I know this may seem extreme to some of you but really, follow me here. We're trying to look at this from a child's point of view. All your child knows is, "I don't like the looks of this guy. He is a stranger. I don't want to go near him".  As a parent it is your job to teach your child that NOBODY is allowed to touch them without their permission. When your child is afraid of Santa, they're essentially saying that they don't want to touch Santa and do not want Santa touching them. We should give them that respect. What if someone bigger and stronger than you forced you to sit in a strange man's lap? 

We are teaching them that we don't respect their fears...

Think about your biggest fear. What are you most afraid of? Spiders? Mice? Closed spaces? Snakes? Losing your child? Now imaging someone forcing this on you. Covering you in spiders, if that's your fear. Locking you in a closet if you're afraid of closed spaces...etc. Your child's fear, in this situation, is being held down to sit with this big, hairy stranger. It may seem silly to you, but there are people out there that probably think your fear is silly. That doesn't make your fear any less terrifying. That doesn't make it okay to subject you to your fear. As a parent, you're supposed to protect your child. If a loud noise frightens them, you hug them close and tell them it's okay. It is no different when they're afraid of Santa. Respect their fears, you would want someone to respect yours. 

We are teaching them to blindly follow directions...

This often rubs parents the wrong way. I know I hear parents all the time say, "Because I said so, that's why!" What does a child learn from that statement? I try to always explain to my children why I'm telling them to do something. Teaching your child to follow directions without ever questioning why can be dangerous. A friend, who asked to remain anonymous, shared her story with me. She told me that for years her grandfather molested her. He told her she had to do what he said. He told her that she should respect her elders and that she should follow directions or she would get in trouble. As an adult, she looks back and wishes she would have said no and told someone sooner. However, she had always been told to follow directions and not to question them. She thought she was doing the right thing. I know it can get exhausting hearing your child ask, "why" all day long. But appreciate that they are learning about the world around them. They are learning boundaries. They are learning that they can question authority, because sometimes even people that they're supposed to listen to, may tell them to do something they shouldn't have to do. When you're telling your child to sit on a stranger's lap, to "sit still and smile!", you're teaching them much more than you may have intended to. 

But.. it's a tradition! 

What exactly is the tradition? Having a really nice Christmas picture made every year? That's great! That sounds like a wonderful tradition. Why does it have to include Santa? Will you stop the tradition when your child stops believing in Santa? There are TONS of other options for Christmas photos that don't include Santa. Pinterest has lots of ideas! Is it really a nice picture when the child has puffy red eyes and tears streaming down their face? Is your obligatory photo really worth your child's sense of safety and security?